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| Watch the weather change |
| 10.19.04 (4:49 pm) [edit] |
The end.
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| Im trying... |
| 07.13.04 (8:44 pm) [edit] |
Onto the thoughts that keep me awake
Long after night has come to claim
Any life that still remains
In the corner of the frame
That I put around our faces
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| Feewrite... 1234am |
| 07.13.04 (8:32 pm) [edit] |
And I knew an empty stare
Hanging from some sort of yarn
Spun around a day of waiting
Will you find any strength
to see tomorrow with a brighter tone?
you never were anything special
maybe a few scribbles
which you pasted meanings
and circumstances to
You know you're not that bird you used to feel like
Wings are truly something funny, dont you think?
You wonder what she thinks, dont you....
You wonder alot
About yourself and everyone else
It makes you seem lost
But you like having that mystery
Only it makes you feel ugly
You wish you could talk to yourself like you weren't
someone else
You lie there drunk as an idiot
Unable to support yourself on stilts of twigs you found
Maybe this you is me
I shouldn't stare so much
Didnt they say its about the moment?
No, You refuse to think that...
It cant be.. you want to be every moment
Past as good as now
Future is a clouded present tense novel
Take your time turning the pages
Im gonna stop freewriting for now... it comes out wierd
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| who would hold these dirty hands? |
| 07.13.04 (7:33 pm) [edit] |
....make me pure
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| hang my head and count my steps |
| 07.12.04 (6:34 pm) [edit] |
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I think i give up trying to write about this... Ill stick to drawing. Ill bury my sadness in twisted symbols in my head, so no one gets the message... just a few simple archtypes.. a general feeling to everyone else... but im telling you everything i can... everything i cant say out loud
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| What you wish for, wont come true |
| 07.12.04 (6:19 pm) [edit] |
My eyes are sinking into their pockets
While I fight to keep them alive
When they slip shut
I am embraced by a sweet sillohuette
only a dream...
keep telling myself...
only..
a dream
Oh, how it felt so real...
once
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| I surrender... this is my love for you.... |
| 07.12.04 (12:54 pm) [edit] |
I told rob everything... things I didnt even know I was thinking. The heavy head and shaking vision was worth the crash to the matress
i havent stopped shaking...
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| I drank... it was comforting |
| 07.12.04 (12:47 pm) [edit] |
I've written so much that I need to blog... and will soon...
Inspiration comes with its price?On a side note I've been playing a lot of my sisters guitar... I can sing and play to "untilted" by pj
-i wanna go, but i dont want to go... alone
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| i am just a worthless liar |
| 07.09.04 (9:30 pm) [edit] |
my feet sway under a park bench
i did it again
i may say goodbye
but i never go home
i could say good night
but i never lay down
i just sit and stare at notes
ive scattered acrossed my walls
and speckled to the ceiling
"mention this to me"
notes no ones seen
"My muse is gone"
i dont allow people in anymore
"Throw these books away"
they pull me
"The pictures kept will remind me"
of why i feel this way
this undefined way
paint me a picture... i cant capture this
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| something i wrote at work |
| 07.09.04 (9:04 pm) [edit] |
If you're looking for inspiration
I suggest you turn away
Im spent, as hollow as a stairway echo
Without someone to warm these eyes
Was there something in there?
Im tired of grass-stains on my knees
Im ready for swirls of red, rich purples
to lift me again
I can't stand to burn for more
In this hostility
But Im glad you found a fire
My buckets bare
And chalk dry
please dont put it out with me...
Side note: i had 3 de-ja-vus today.. i keep getting more and more... i wish i had the answers as to what they mean... devon insists its just another way my body is fucked up *adds notch on desk*
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| Could you know how this feels? |
| 07.09.04 (8:39 pm) [edit] |
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I wrote a poem through the chaos of work tonite... i think ill blog it later... or idk, maybe it'll be my own little poem
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| i was told my stare makes me look lost |
| 07.09.04 (3:07 am) [edit] |
To clear the conscience of who I am
I break the silence that keeps it all in
I’ve given you everything I wish you knew
I looked her way with x-ray eyes
And she looked like she was not even there
Preserving the things that I have kept from you
Didn’t give them away when you had asked me to
You’re pointing at me and how do I reply
I smash your fingers and drag you away
I looked away with X-ray eyes
And she looked like she was not even there
I cannot deny that I had planned this
I only gave till I was done
Fallen on me this happy ending
I know I was awake and she was numb
But then she started to leave
Finally started to leave
Then she looked like she was not even there
~one of the many guster songs I can love
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| Someone told me I was the epicenter of all this turmoil... |
| 07.08.04 (7:56 pm) [edit] |
:cry: ....is it better if i leave in quiet?
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| We all walk the long road... |
| 07.08.04 (7:28 pm) [edit] |
All I need is touring band, and some coffee... and i've been drawing a bit more
i guess that makes me fine
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| Simpley follow the footsteps which took me there before |
| 07.07.04 (2:55 pm) [edit] |
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Its warm and raining... another numberless walk to wonder the town
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| Go save someone else, Im far too gone... into the maze |
| 07.07.04 (7:51 am) [edit] |
[image]PushitONtim_110536 2117.jpg[/image]
Yesterday I just sat up in my room looking for something... something, im not sure what the word is. But i flipped through every drawing in my sketch books... something about it made me sad, but sad in a full way... not an empty feeling. Im not sure if that makes sense. I sat in careful contemplation for most of the whole day, and helped paint the house a bit. I know everyone was out hanging out.. but... :/ im just not sure i want to be there anymore.. or for a while.. id like to catch up with myself, and a few other people, but i dont think i can reach them now.
this song always meant a lot to me, i think now i see why
It’s better if I leave in quiet
Is this mood frightening?
And who are you sometimes?
Don’t try and rescue me
Go save someone else
I’m far past done
Gasping, calling
I saw I’m all alone
Grasping, crawling
Is this not what you had planned?
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| now you can't leave me here |
| 07.06.04 (6:23 am) [edit] |
And fuck me if I say something you don't wanna hear
And fuck me if you only hear what you wanna hear
Fuck me if I care
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| I wont live forever... you can't keep me here |
| 07.06.04 (6:16 am) [edit] |
You painted every picture so green
Call her up on the telephone
Tell her youre muse is gone
Tell her theres not a chance youre ever gonna change
the world
Just a few drops away
You never wanna change the world
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| I've been meaning to tell you... |
| 07.05.04 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
ive been so damn tired...
my ambition has given in to desperation and i... i lost the fight from my eyes
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| I am just an imbecile |
| 07.05.04 (4:58 pm) [edit] |
Oh when i was a kid how magical it seemed.....
please let me sleep
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| Ive become a dead man walking |
| 07.05.04 (4:53 pm) [edit] |
have not been home since you left long ago
i'm thumbing my way back to heaven
counting steps, walking backwards on the road
i'm counting my way back to heaven
i can't be free with what's locked inside of me
if there was a key, you took it in your hand
there's no wrong or right, but i'm sure there's good and bad
the questions linger overhead
no matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead
i'm thumbing my way back to heaven
i wish that i could hold you
i wish that i had
thinking 'bout heaven
i let go of a rope, thinking that's what held me back
and in time i've realized, it's now wrapped around my neck
i can't see what's next, from this lonely overpass
hang my head and count my steps, as another car goes past
all the rusted signs we ignore throughout our lives
choosing the shiny ones instead
i turned my back, now there's no turning back
no matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead
i smile, but who am i kidding?
i'm just walking the miles, every once in a while i'll get a ride
i'm thumbing my way back to heaven
thumbing my way back to heaven
i'm thumbing my way back to heaven...
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| can i live in the present tense.... |
| 07.05.04 (4:47 pm) [edit] |
it felt so good to sing just what i was thinking... i wish more than two people heard me rob 'n' dev because i was kind of proud... im glad the bands back.. its too bad i wasnt able to write down what i sang...
my voice needs a little work.... :? but practice is helping
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| i thought i didnt believe in these... |
| 07.05.04 (4:42 pm) [edit] |
Your relationship skills made need some help, but this is only normal from time to time, Tim. Despite your extraordinary ability to justify all your actions, there are times when the reality of the situation catches up with you... especially on days like today. You may want to take a good look at the emotions that you deny with all that rationalizing!
...im just going to tell myself its only a coincidence
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| I dont know what I dont know, its harder every day... ~gusta gusta gusta |
| 07.04.04 (11:33 am) [edit] |
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It was the perfect concert... but idk... somethings missing (?)
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| The in-betweens are never understood |
| 07.04.04 (11:30 am) [edit] |
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I hate transitions
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